Back in the saddle again - Whoopi-ty-aye-oh....

Not sure there's anyone out there following this - it may just be me but that's ok!  Using this as a journal as well since that is helpful when staying on track.

Well, it's been about 6 months since I last was here or probably worked out with any decent routine.. UGH.  Shaking my damn head.  Life got seriously in the way but I also lost my will power to be as strict as we had been.  I stressed out totally over some medical tests which THANK GOD were fine in the long run..  I had a pinched disk in my back that took until somewhere this summer to heal.  Then my partner in love, life and the pursuit of fitness had double hernia surgery.  Then I got Pneumonia.  By the time those things were done, we didn't exactly bounce back to working out since the summer was almost done. We had travel, weekend fun planned with kids, etc.. Nor did we put the breaks on enjoying carbs, food, starbucks, wine.. OMG the starbucks and wine.  How I love thee, let me count the ways.. On Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, etc.. You get the point.

I also was motivated during this challenge because I thought there was going to be a mini-makeover of sorts with a potential TV spot.  I led myself to believe that I didn't really care, etc but in reality it was a way to validate what I had done.  I got one of the highest scores but in reality it wasn't what the TV crew was looking for.  They were looking for the better story and it felt like a kick in the teeth.  It felt like not being good enough and it was more disappointing than I really let on.  In reality, there were no mini-makeovers, it wasn't a glammed up spot but it was acknowledgement for effort.  I felt let down and I also let that contribute to my waining willpower.

Now the past 6 months weren't all carbs, candy and food debauchery.. But there wasn't enough working out to help keep the eating in check.  We were active but not like before and we let sugar/dairy/carbs back in too much.

Today was our first day of being back in the saddle working out again after basically 6 months off.  My body recognized the energized yet tired feeling that comes from an early morning workout and it felt good!  We have a schedule in place to start back working out and we've been back on the food plan for a while now.  (Even have added a few more veggie dishes so veggie night isn't quite so painful..lol. LOVE the crispy Brussel sprouts!)  

My motivation for getting back in the saddle other than getting to be a healthier me?  We surprised our kids with a trip to WDW and my love proposed while we were there!  I have a year to get ready to be married on our beach in Hawaii!!!!!!!!  I know regardless he will see the love of his life as the most beautiful bride because he loves me for me.  I want to feel like a million bucks that day and know I did everything I could to be healthy and fit.  

Our future will start here as Mr & Mrs!

Pacing yourself..

So apparently one of the lessons this challenge taught is teaching me is that I have to pace myself.  I'm in this for the long term, paying attention to short term goals and ignoring my body will hurt me longer term.  

I hadn't been as great about stretching, listening to pain in my back/left hip as I should have been.  I pushed hard because I didn't want to derail mid-challenge and I was being a #'s girl.  I wanted the best #'s and pushing myself was a way to get it.  Don't get me wrong - you have to push yourself but also pay attention to what your body is telling you.  

This is going on week 4 now that I haven't worked out because I was sick and now because for the last 2.5 weeks I've had a hard time even walking.  I woke up one morning with such bad pain all I could do was hobble to my bathtub to try and find relief or a way to move.  I'm hoping to be back working out within 2 weeks - but that's a lot of time to be without Bonza workouts!!  In the meantime, I've had muscle work done, chiropractic, inversion table therapy, float therapy and Physical therapy to try and get better.  I've also become a sports cream connoisseur if there is such a thing.  At last count, I"ve tried 8 thus far.. I rotate between my desk chair, my ball chair and putting boxes on my desk so I can stand and work.  I have to take stretch breaks using my office stairs to combat sitting in my office.  It sucks hurting and knowing a few modifications probably would have prevented this.

I'm frustrated because I had such great momentum going and feel like this is a slow down, I'm not going to meet my internal goal of where I wanted to be on my 40th Birthday.  I've stayed on the food plan and that's been good to prove to myself I can.  In the past when I've relaxed on working out, my food choices have also relaxed.  Not this time - and I'm happy for that!  I'm still losing weight (on March 14 - the last time I stepped on a scale) I'm down a total of 24 lbs from where I started!  That's great and I'm sooo happy about that.  However, if you know me, patience is not my greatest virtue - I want to get moving and losing more now!

The moral of this story - STRETCH, STRETCH, STRETCH and LISTEN to your body.  I will be stretching more before and more after each workout as well as incorporating more "maintenance" for my body.  That looks to be a combo of Chiropractic, float therapy and Physical Therapy.

From a Post my Trainer Kelly did today that I really needed to hear and take in!

Hoping to be putting my hands in the air and giving up those 2 claps VERY SOON!

Weigh Out Results

16.+ POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's what the scale said I lost this am, dropped 2.5% body fat and lost 9" through my body.. Happy, Excited, Over the moon, elated and proud describes just how I felt to see that.  

It validated all the hard work, determination and effort we put into developing good habits over this last 50 days.  I'm looking forward to seeing my "official" before and after pictures and I can't wait to use them as the "before" stages when i hit my final goal.  

Seeing these results also just reinforced determination. This week has been hard - fighting a cold, missing workouts due to being sick, craving carbs and feeling run down have tested that strength.  Weighing out at the end of the week provided the will to resist sabotaging my results but a part of me (earlier in the week) was tempted to have that coconut milk latte post weigh in.  NOT with these results!!!  

I'm going to miss this 50 day challenge, it was a great experience and such a supportive group of people.  Everyone did awesome and is better off for doing it - met some amazing people that inspire me.  My Boyfriend and I have signed up to continue on with Bonza, it pushes us hard and I know the results will come faster.  We've decided to keep on the eating plan - minus 2 concessions a week.  (WITHIN Reason..I'm not talking a cheat day or sugar fest people)  I want a coconut milk Latte on Friday am and then the ability to eat what kids pick for family night (if it's worth the calorie spend).  Luckily for the most part - our kids pick things that are on plan!  So there might be weeks where it's only the small latte that's off plan, there might be other weeks where I have a couple slices of a fingerling potato (A fave of the kids on family night) or a slice of cheese with salami at a party and there might be weeks that are totally on plan.  It's not going to be a plate full of those things tho or a carb fest.  If there's something off plan - it's going to have to be worth those calories on my high day.  I'm not eating something just because it's there or because it's a high day and I'm not going to let something derail my entire day.

So what's next?  A little rest to try and kick this cold and also because apparently "the storm of the century" (LOL) is going to keep us from taking our long weekend walks with the kids/Pup.  After that - Our reward pedicures and I'll be on to my next Milestone.  

Operation - Fabulous Forty.. End of April is coming up sooner than I'd think and I can't wait to see just how much less of me there will be!!

My partner in Love, Life and the pursuit of fitness;)

Hands in the air, 2 Claps..  GET THAT BONZA BOOTY BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Right Now, It's your Tomorrow"

My weigh in is coming up at the end of this week and I'm nervous.  As many times as I've told myself that the # doesn't matter, I've worked as hard as I could and was true to plan - here comes the day of reckoning.  Waiting for the final number to pop up on that scale is nerve racking.  Will it be my ally or my nemesis?  Is there anyway I can see it as just a machine?  It can't account for what I've done, the inches lost, the willpower put in or the growth inside me.  Yet I find myself putting so much worth on what the stupid thing says.  Part of it is I haven't stepped on a scale in almost 50 days, so I really don't know what it will say.  In the past, I haven't lost as much as I thought I would or had tried to.  I've been disappointed and felt like I let myself down or didn't have what it took to really come through.

Driving home last night from bootcamp, my boyfriend and I were talking about the same thing or estimating what losses would be.  I didn't have a guess really for me, I know what i hope I lost but a part of me is scared to even estimate that #. I don't want to let myself dream about a big # only to be bit in the ass by reality. If I was close to what his estimate for my # would be - I'd be ecstatic!!!  He reminded me that this time was different, I can't compare it to the past.  I was totally on plan, there were NO deviations or times i let it slide.  I worked out more than I ever have.  So that has to deliver results right?  I know it did, so why am I so nervous to have a scale validate me?

If you know me - you know I tend to be a planner.  At times I have multiple plans, then backup plans so I know I'm covered in any situation.  I know that I'm going to be nervous with anticipation and butterflies in the stomach hoping for good results walking into my weigh in.  I need a plan for what to do in any case.  Easiest plan?  If my results are awesome - I'm going to be in 7th Bonza Heaven and you won't be able to wipe that cheese-ball grin off my face. ;) If they aren't quite where I want - I'm taking my end measurements before I weigh out so I will have inches lost to help remind me my body has transformed.  I'm also putting together a list of accomplishments to read:
 - Last night, I got further down in a pushup than I have in the past
 - I have not given in to any temptations during this challenge 
 - I've taken it more seriously than any attempt in the past
 - I can fit into Jeans I couldn't before - and while muffin-topy = They zip!
 - Clothes fit looser
 - I can see lines in my Triceps, saw some bicep action also in the mirror ;)
 - When I suck in my tummy, the pooch is mostly gone (before this.. yea, not so much)
 - I have taken my kids to Starbucks 3 times now for a before school protein plate/juice and not once caved to get something for myself.
- Blogging has been cathartic and helped me find parts of myself that I needed back
- I have stuck to getting up earlier than I ever thought I would just to get a workout in
- I have confided in someone about this journey and took a leap of faith I would have not had the courage to before.
- I can say - I want to workout and truly mean it =)
- I feel more in control of my life
- I feel good

In the end those are the things that matter and that I need to remind myself of if I don't see what i want at weigh in.  This isn't about finishing a 50 day challenge and the results being final.  This has to be about seizing my opportunity to change - and I have to be in it for the long haul.    

"Right now, hey

It's your tomorrow

Right now,

C'mon, it's everything

Right now,

Catch that magic moment, and do it right,

Right now"

Until Weigh in - Hands in the air, 2 Claps..  GET THAT BONZA BOOTY BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

The Change inside of me..

5 weeks - that's really all it's been since we started our challenge.  When you think of that timeframe, it's really not a long time and yet so much has changed.  Our eating habits, our activity levels, our energy levels, our outlook and mindset - all facets of our life have been affected in a very BONZA way.  

On the outside it's easier to see some tangible changes:  clothes are fitting loosely, I'm able to zip up jeans easily that I struggled with before, the muffin top is gone in outfits where it was prevalent before.  I see my face is getting thinner, I can see muscles that used to have some good definition start to peek out again during workouts.  I've even noticed bones on the top of my foot that I'd forgotten about.  The tangible changes are the ones that sometimes I think we give the most credence to but the other changes are meaning more.

I feel healthier and more alive.  All through the holiday season, I'd have a latte to wake me up 3-4 times a week, by 2 or 3 in the afternoon I was hanging on by a thread doing emails trying to focus and wanting to doze off.  I was getting enough sleep generally and decided if this challenge didn't change that - I was going to see a Dr because I knew that wasn't normal.  One week into the challenge, that all changed.  Cutting out that caffeine and sugar gave me an even energy level all day. 2 days into the challenge, my boyfriend remarked to me as we were talking about getting used to the "new way of eating" how good he felt.  I do too!  I feel "clean" inside which is hard to describe.  I don't feel bogged down with processed crap or sluggish.

We've been spending Sundays taking our dog on 2-3 mile walks, upping our distance each time.  Not only does our dog love it, it feels good to move.  We've included kids on walks and it's been a good way to get them off of ipods, tv, cpu's and outside also.  We've talked about more things we can do outside with kids to spend time interacting with each other. 

So the areas you'd expect change in doing a challenge like this would be - Looking better, physical changes, feeling better and all those happened.  One area that surprised me was relationship changes.  With my boyfriend, it's deepened that trust, friendship and love sharing a very personal struggle.  You want that person to see you with stars in their eyes & love your flaws.  Despite how many times they may tell you, it can be hard to believe it when you don't like what you see in the mirror physically. With my kids, being more active and feeling good translates into having more energy to engage them more actively.  It's doing a game night vs movie night, take long walks vs relaxing on the couch or with electronics.  It's brought us closer because we're more actively relating.  We've had a stressful issue or two arise and we've handled them calmly.  We're working through things that while challenging, I don't feel drowned by because I have energy to deal with them.  They enjoy being active and it feels good to be active with them!  Most of all - this is changing my relationship with myself.  I found "me" again, I found that self-confidence I had been feeling at a loss for, I feel proud of where I am even though I have quite a few pounds to go. I'm happy finding that inner strength that has been waning and I'm happy looking in the mirror and loving myself again.

Share that love -  Hands in the air, 2 Claps..  GET THAT BONZA BOOTY BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!          

Not your ordinary Bootcamp

I haven't typically thought of myself as someone who likes to workout.  I wasn't really athletic growing up and never had to work to maintain my weight/figure until later in my 20's.  So as weight came on, I didn't have a solid foundation on what to do physically to make it go away.  I tried a lot of different things but nothing really grabbed me or was fun.  I tried going to rec centers but didn't know anyone there, felt uncertain in terms of what I should be doing to get the most out of my workout and there was just no spark for me to want to come back.  I tried tons of different workout videos that now sit dusty in my DVD rack (I'm looking at you Billy Blanks, Yoga for moms, Hula for amazing abs/buns and Jillian Michaels ..)  I shake my head that I actually owned this horseback riding workout machine, didn't work.  *wow, there's a surprise*.. 

I went on walks, rode my stationary bike and used weights but results were slower and it's easy to hit the snooze button when things seem redundant.  Two of my sister in laws are AMAZING runners, I'd hear them talk and wish I loved to run.  I tried to jog or run with my dog but hated every second, so that lasted all of 2 days..lol.  The only time I ever actually belonged to a Gym before Bonza was when I was 20, a size 4 and just went to use the pool/steam room and because my friend also joined.  It was a women's only gym that looked like it belonged in the 80's.  My friend soon lost interest and it wasn't fun going alone - so that kind of tainted my views of gyms.  (On your own, lost as a number, old ladies that didn't see any need for wearing clothes or towels in the locker room.. the list was long for reasons I didn't want to go anymore).  

I first heard of Bonza through my neighbor.  She asked me if I wanted to do a workout challenge that her realty office was sponsoring for charity.  Sounded fun and I love hanging out with this fun bunch of ladies, so I said sure.  OH. MY. GOD.. I think we both thought we were going to die during the first workout with Jamie.  At some point my brain stopped comprehending his words because my body was working so hard.  Then suddenly the 50 minutes were over and this almost 7 foot Aussie hadn't killed us after all. I coughed almost the whole morning after that workout - my lungs hadn't had to breath like that in well... Ever!  And while my quads hurt every time I had to sit for about 3 days, I felt amazing.  I felt alive and like a badass having made it through an intense bootcamp workout.  (No Drill instructors in this bootcamp tho!!!)  We kept going back, we left bookclub on a Friday night at 1AM and kept the promise to meet at 6:30 am for Saturday am bootcamp. (NO SNOOZE BUTTON!  WHAT?!?!)  He and the other trainers were funny, kept us engaged as they worked us through the different circuits, were encouraging and there was no monotony.  If you hated something (Bear crawls..just putting that out there) - rest assured that something else was right around the corner. The classes are small, so even when I was just going by myself it was easy to get to know others and the same people were generally there week after week.  The trainers look at you individually - not as a number and watch your form, adapt movements to suit you and challenge you.  I was hooked.  I found something fun, challenging, a workout that pushed me like nothing I'd ever experienced, something that was different each time I went and I felt alive!  

The first few months I went, Jamie had talked about the food plan but I disregarded parts that didn't fit into my lifestyle. I wasn't giving up cheese or latte's for anyone. It was out there for you to follow, Your workout/foodplan = Your results. You weren't going to get the big Bonza gooseegg for not following it or quizzed on it when you went to workout. What you did get was a lot of encouragement.  At one point when I wasn't seeing results I thought I should, Jamie sat down and asked me to journal my food plan for 2 weeks and just "Try, just try" to stay on  plan and see what happens. Jamie didn't smack me upside my head with the food plan packet and tell me - "well it's all here, why didn't you do it to begin with..?!"  At the end of the 2 weeks, I lost 8 lbs. Apparently "my food plan" wasn't quite as clean as I thought it had been. Again I was hooked on feeling good on the inside and loved that the outside was transforming as well. I followed it for several months and continued to do my bootcamps with limited workouts at home.  I remember standing in the dressing room shopping for some business suits, txting Jamie and another trainer in tears.  I WAS FITTING INTO A SIZE I HADN'T IN FOREVER!  I had lost weight but I'd been at that weight before.  The difference was now I could fit into a size that I hadn't been able to in years.  I stopped thinking only in Lbs lost, I had gained muscle and my body was becoming more fit!

Unfortunately at that point some life changes got in the way and derailed my success for a while.  I got tired of feeling the way I did and hating what stared back in the mirror, so started trying to figure out how to change that.  I had thought about other gyms closer to home or work, looking at what i could do at home but Bonza has my heart.  I love that intense workout, the small groups, the encouragement, not being a number, never being bored working out, being pushed harder than I ever have been, feeling like a badass and the exhausted yet revived feeling I have climbing the stairs to leave.  

I'm loving this 50 day challenge and I enjoy working out at home, taking long walks with our dog, getting out and being active!  Among things I never thought I'd say - I'm loving working out.  It feels so good to be more healthy and I can't wait to see more and more transformations as I continue to get fit.  So if you *think* you hate working out, are absolutely positive it's the worst thing in the world to do.. I get it, I feel like I wrote the book on that.  You just haven't found the right workout FOR YOU but it is out there. You've just got to wade through some old DVD's, 80's gyms, ridiculous equipment (Hi Shake Weight) and enough trial & errors to find it!

Now Hands in the air, 2 Claps..  GET THAT BONZA BOOTY BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone gets a trophy...

This phrase always gets an instant eye roll at our house.. but I've kind of had to shake my head at my internal self lately.  I want a trophy.  I want something to signify I've done a good job at certain milestones.  I'm not playing in the 4-6 year old soccer league, I'm not participating in a spelling bee, I'm not a kid.  And yet - I want a flipping reward for reversing something that I let happen. (And God bless those in my life who remind me often to be nicer to myself, that going through a lot in the past few years would be taxing on anyone.  I love them for that because I did struggle, felt like I was drowning at times and I feel like I was fighting as hard as I could for me, my kids, sanity...  I do feel like I accomplished a lot just finding a way to come up for air at times.  In the end my weight/health was what got sacrificed.  Stress does factor into the weight/health but there were times I knew I was sabotaging myself because I just couldn't face what was in the mirror.) 

Back to my trophy - Shouldn't my clothes being looser, feeling like I have more energy, knowing I'm a healthier me and noticing positive body changes be enough?  Maybe it should.  For me, it's not and maybe I am being a foot stomping little runt but it's my party and I'll cry if I want to ;).  

When my mom and I started a program some years ago, we decided we were going to take ourselves to New York City and treat our selves to makeovers when we hit goal.  Then life cancer got in the way and we decided to just take the trip and do it anyway.  (One of the most special trips ever BTW)  That trip though gave us something to look forward to in the midst of workouts, not indulging in unhealthy choices, etc.  I need that again.  

I'm trying to think of things that give me some extra motivation to hit mini-goals - breaking through certain weight milestones, dropping sizes, completing this 50 day challenge and finally or most importantly - reaching my goal! Some of the things on that list:

 - Cuter workout gear (good motivation to get to class I'd say!)

 - A pedicure (I think this is ours after the 50 day challenge)

 - Massage

 - New cute outfit when I've dropped a size/2 for a wedding this summer

 - New haircut

And for when I've hit goal - I really do want to be on a beach or on the ocean.  Whether that's a short cruise (Where my boyfriend and I met almost 24 years ago), a Mexican retreat or someplace TBD - I want to celebrate.  I want to feel confident in that swimsuit, take a run on that beach, Shout out to the ocean - King of the world/Titanic style - I MADE IT, drink in the rays of the sun - letting myself think that they are the blazing smiles of my parents and those I love looking down on me and I'll smile a ridiculous smile knowing I did it.  

And Yes - sip an umbrella drink =)

Here's to Trophy's!! Hands in the air, 2 Claps..  GET THAT BONZA BOOTY BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!