"Right Now, It's your Tomorrow"

My weigh in is coming up at the end of this week and I'm nervous.  As many times as I've told myself that the # doesn't matter, I've worked as hard as I could and was true to plan - here comes the day of reckoning.  Waiting for the final number to pop up on that scale is nerve racking.  Will it be my ally or my nemesis?  Is there anyway I can see it as just a machine?  It can't account for what I've done, the inches lost, the willpower put in or the growth inside me.  Yet I find myself putting so much worth on what the stupid thing says.  Part of it is I haven't stepped on a scale in almost 50 days, so I really don't know what it will say.  In the past, I haven't lost as much as I thought I would or had tried to.  I've been disappointed and felt like I let myself down or didn't have what it took to really come through.

Driving home last night from bootcamp, my boyfriend and I were talking about the same thing or estimating what losses would be.  I didn't have a guess really for me, I know what i hope I lost but a part of me is scared to even estimate that #. I don't want to let myself dream about a big # only to be bit in the ass by reality. If I was close to what his estimate for my # would be - I'd be ecstatic!!!  He reminded me that this time was different, I can't compare it to the past.  I was totally on plan, there were NO deviations or times i let it slide.  I worked out more than I ever have.  So that has to deliver results right?  I know it did, so why am I so nervous to have a scale validate me?

If you know me - you know I tend to be a planner.  At times I have multiple plans, then backup plans so I know I'm covered in any situation.  I know that I'm going to be nervous with anticipation and butterflies in the stomach hoping for good results walking into my weigh in.  I need a plan for what to do in any case.  Easiest plan?  If my results are awesome - I'm going to be in 7th Bonza Heaven and you won't be able to wipe that cheese-ball grin off my face. ;) If they aren't quite where I want - I'm taking my end measurements before I weigh out so I will have inches lost to help remind me my body has transformed.  I'm also putting together a list of accomplishments to read:
 - Last night, I got further down in a pushup than I have in the past
 - I have not given in to any temptations during this challenge 
 - I've taken it more seriously than any attempt in the past
 - I can fit into Jeans I couldn't before - and while muffin-topy = They zip!
 - Clothes fit looser
 - I can see lines in my Triceps, saw some bicep action also in the mirror ;)
 - When I suck in my tummy, the pooch is mostly gone (before this.. yea, not so much)
 - I have taken my kids to Starbucks 3 times now for a before school protein plate/juice and not once caved to get something for myself.
- Blogging has been cathartic and helped me find parts of myself that I needed back
- I have stuck to getting up earlier than I ever thought I would just to get a workout in
- I have confided in someone about this journey and took a leap of faith I would have not had the courage to before.
- I can say - I want to workout and truly mean it =)
- I feel more in control of my life
- I feel good

In the end those are the things that matter and that I need to remind myself of if I don't see what i want at weigh in.  This isn't about finishing a 50 day challenge and the results being final.  This has to be about seizing my opportunity to change - and I have to be in it for the long haul.    

"Right now, hey

It's your tomorrow

Right now,

C'mon, it's everything

Right now,

Catch that magic moment, and do it right,

Right now"

Until Weigh in - Hands in the air, 2 Claps..  GET THAT BONZA BOOTY BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!